Helping Someone Who Is Battered
| Do you know someone who is abused? |
- Do you see or hear about injuries that reportedly resulted from "accidents"?
- Is someone you know frequently berated or belittled in front of others?
- Does someone you know try to control a person's every move?
- Is someone often late or absent from work or quits their job because another person demands it?
- Is there a history of violence in the family?
- Have you noticed changes in her/his behavior or the child/ren's behavior
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The Family Violence Prevention Fund suggest the following steps for approaching someone you suspect is being abused:
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Let them know what you have observed - "I noticed the bruises you had last week and you look upset and worried today."
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Express concern that him/her might be abused - "I thought it was possible that you are being hurt by someone and I am concerned about you."
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Make a statement of support - "No one deserves to be hit by someone else."
Do not ignore the situation. The problem will not work itself out. The violence will not end until someone takes action to stop it and will most likely increase with each incident. Domestic Violence is not just a family problem - It is a crime. |
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Your support and encouragement can be of tremendous value to a friend involved with an abusive partner. You can ease the isolation and loss of control she/he may feel by listening to her/him, providing her/him with more information on domestic violence, and helping her/him to explore options.
Things to say to a friend who is afraid to leave:
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I am afraid for your safety and the safety of your child/ren
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It will only get worse
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I am here for you when you are ready to leave
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You don't deserve to be abused |
Don't blame the victim because she/he does not leave the abusive relationship. For most of us, the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one. A battered person's emotional ties to her/his partner may still be strong, supporting his/her hope that the violence will end. If she/he has been financially dependent on their partner and leaves with the children, they will likely face severe economic hardship. She/he may not know about available resources or perhaps friends or family members have been unresponsive in the past. Religious, cultural, or family pressures may make her/him believe it's her/his duty to keep the marriage together at all costs. The partner may have used violence or threats of violence when she/he has tried to leave in the past. Many abusers use the child/ren to make their partner remain in the relationship by threatening to obtain sole custody.
Lend a sympathetic ear. Let your friend know that you care and are willing to listen. Don't force the issue. The average times a victim of domestic violence leaves an abusive relationship before breaking away for good is eight. Keep your mind open and try not to judge. The last thing a victims of domestic violence needs is to lose another friend - adding to their isolation. Focus on supporting your friend.
It can not be overemphasized that domestic violence is a crime that can result in serious physical injury and even death. if you are a neighbor or otherwise know that a battering incident is occurring, CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. You can ask to remain anonymous.